I can't believe it is the middle of September and I have not blogged in 2 months. Honestly, I debated whether I was going to even continue with the blog.... no one REALLY reads this... do they? Then I remembered why I started this blog in the first place. It was to FORCE me to take more pictures of my life... more pictures of the kids, more picture of the memories we are making together as a family, more pictures that we will one day laugh at!! Get ready for a LONG post...here is my attempt to remember the past 2 months.......
A Diagnosis -
I have debated whether to write about this, but I feel as though blogs are sometimes all about the good things in life and not the honest, hard times that we all face. Perhaps I should have buried this at the very end with hopes that you would have lost interest before reading it. However, I have decided to put it first since it has been a life changer for me. Maybe, just maybe, my story will help you. It isn't something that I want to shout from the rooftops, but it is something LOTS of women deal with silently... I know, I did for months. Postpartum Depression. I don't even remember the night that it all happened..... it just DID. I was having creme brulee with my BFF's one minute and the next I was having a breakdown....it was what I had been fighting for months... the tears, the guilty feelings, the anger, the DENIAL!! I am THANKFUL for friends who understood where I was and what I needed to do to HELP myself. I appreciated hearing their stories of emotional struggles and of their encouragement that it all could be fixed if I just asked for help! I came home that night and I sobbed and sobbed to Sal. I told him how I was feeling and he was SHOCKED!! I had been that good at "wearing the mask" that even he didn't see it. The next morning I mad an appointment to see my doctor and cried the ENTIRE visit!! She recommended that I speak to a THERAPIST!! What a SHRINK?? ME?? REALLY!! I was desperate and I did it... I called and it was the BEST thing I have done for myself in a REALLY long time. I met with her and I cried the whole time. She reassured me that what I was feeling was NORMAL and it was something that could be fixed. I came to find out that an unplanned pregnancy and advanced maternal age are BIG, HUGE flashing red lights when it came to PPD! We talked through my tears about my feelings..... "How do you feel about this" and "How do you feel about that?" It was the first time I had vocalized all that had been in my head for MONTHS! Long story, even longer.... I was prescribed "happy pills" as I call them.... Doctors and pharmacists call them Zoloft. I felt different right away.... I wasn't happy and giddy and jumping for joy, but I had a coping feeling..... I just felt like I could cope with life as it came. I was no longer angry and hostile, I could go a whole day without crying or feeling on the verge of tears every minute. I felt as though "I was back"... the me I could hardly remember. The kind, patient, loving mother who wouldn't LOOK for things to nag about. Now 2 months have gone by and I have learned so much about myself. I have taken off the "mask" and I hope to never have to put it back on!
Mason's New Accessory -
Mason has been my child that has done the complete opposite of all my other kids. I thought I had this whole mothering thing down, but man was I wrong!! It was apparent early on that Mason is his own boss!! Sal and I have tried to "make" him take a pacifier and a bottle.... he just screams. We have tried to get him to cry himself to sleep.... he screams louder! AND we have tried to get him to sleep in any position other than on his back. ALL to no avail!! SO it was no surprise when the back of his head was flat at 2 months old. We tried the tummy time - he screamed, we tried chiropractors - that worked somewhat, we tried rolled up blankets behind his back - he could wiggle enough to get back on his back. One night I put him to sleep and 5 minutes later he was screaming in his bed.... I ran in to see what was wrong, and he had rolled to his tummy and was not happy about it. I rolled him over and he calmed right down and went to sleep. I say all this because last month Mason was fitted for a cranial band to reshape his flat head.
A Diagnosis -
I have debated whether to write about this, but I feel as though blogs are sometimes all about the good things in life and not the honest, hard times that we all face. Perhaps I should have buried this at the very end with hopes that you would have lost interest before reading it. However, I have decided to put it first since it has been a life changer for me. Maybe, just maybe, my story will help you. It isn't something that I want to shout from the rooftops, but it is something LOTS of women deal with silently... I know, I did for months. Postpartum Depression. I don't even remember the night that it all happened..... it just DID. I was having creme brulee with my BFF's one minute and the next I was having a breakdown....it was what I had been fighting for months... the tears, the guilty feelings, the anger, the DENIAL!! I am THANKFUL for friends who understood where I was and what I needed to do to HELP myself. I appreciated hearing their stories of emotional struggles and of their encouragement that it all could be fixed if I just asked for help! I came home that night and I sobbed and sobbed to Sal. I told him how I was feeling and he was SHOCKED!! I had been that good at "wearing the mask" that even he didn't see it. The next morning I mad an appointment to see my doctor and cried the ENTIRE visit!! She recommended that I speak to a THERAPIST!! What a SHRINK?? ME?? REALLY!! I was desperate and I did it... I called and it was the BEST thing I have done for myself in a REALLY long time. I met with her and I cried the whole time. She reassured me that what I was feeling was NORMAL and it was something that could be fixed. I came to find out that an unplanned pregnancy and advanced maternal age are BIG, HUGE flashing red lights when it came to PPD! We talked through my tears about my feelings..... "How do you feel about this" and "How do you feel about that?" It was the first time I had vocalized all that had been in my head for MONTHS! Long story, even longer.... I was prescribed "happy pills" as I call them.... Doctors and pharmacists call them Zoloft. I felt different right away.... I wasn't happy and giddy and jumping for joy, but I had a coping feeling..... I just felt like I could cope with life as it came. I was no longer angry and hostile, I could go a whole day without crying or feeling on the verge of tears every minute. I felt as though "I was back"... the me I could hardly remember. The kind, patient, loving mother who wouldn't LOOK for things to nag about. Now 2 months have gone by and I have learned so much about myself. I have taken off the "mask" and I hope to never have to put it back on!
Mason's New Accessory -
Mason has been my child that has done the complete opposite of all my other kids. I thought I had this whole mothering thing down, but man was I wrong!! It was apparent early on that Mason is his own boss!! Sal and I have tried to "make" him take a pacifier and a bottle.... he just screams. We have tried to get him to cry himself to sleep.... he screams louder! AND we have tried to get him to sleep in any position other than on his back. ALL to no avail!! SO it was no surprise when the back of his head was flat at 2 months old. We tried the tummy time - he screamed, we tried chiropractors - that worked somewhat, we tried rolled up blankets behind his back - he could wiggle enough to get back on his back. One night I put him to sleep and 5 minutes later he was screaming in his bed.... I ran in to see what was wrong, and he had rolled to his tummy and was not happy about it. I rolled him over and he calmed right down and went to sleep. I say all this because last month Mason was fitted for a cranial band to reshape his flat head.
Our doctor said it was totally optional, but that is like saying braces or dermatologists are are optional for teenagers. We KNEW we had to do whatever necessary to fix his head. The band is quite expensive and not covered by insurance, but we HAD to do it. Mason's band has been on for nearly 4 weeks now and we are seeing great progress. We have to drive into Phoenix once a week to have the band adjusted, but we are thankful this was an option for us. During my weekly drives I have thought, "What if we had moved to Salt Lake? How would I be able to drive once a week to Las Vegas (the closest Cranial Technologies office) to have the adjustments made?" As much as I am DONE with Arizona, I know why we are here. I am thankful that Heavenly Father has once again made me realize that, for now, I need to be content being in Arizona. Thanks to Kara McDowell and Kim Waskiewicz for their help in decorating Mason's band!
School has started!!
So this year I have a 7th grader (Hayden), a 3rd grader (Cole), and a preschooler (Olivia). The first semester is almost over and all the kids are doing exceptionally well. Hayden is in middle school and he is taking all honors classes. When progress reports came home he had a 4.2 GPA. He loves pre-algebra and I am LOVING helping him with it. Algebra was always my favorite subject! Hayden has also joined the running club at school and he will soon try out for the cross country team. He must have Mitzi's blood - I HATE running! Cole is extremely smart! He is getting all A's and B's and will be on the honor roll this quarter. Cole, for the first time, has a male teacher and he likes the change. He is diligent in his homework and gets it done first thing. Cole will begin flag football this month and he is looking forward to the cooler weather so the rugby club can begin at school. Olivia started preschool with Mrs. Mary and she feels so BIG. She goes 4 times a week for 3 hours. I look forward to picking her up and hearing all about her day. Liv looks forward to Tuesdays when she gets to take her lunch to school. She also LOVES Wednesdays because they always cook something yummy. I love quiet mornings, after the kids have gone to school, when Mason and I get to be alone. It is just him and me, and I can snuggle and laugh and play with him without having to share.
Life is good at our house! I hope it is at your too!
School has started!!
So this year I have a 7th grader (Hayden), a 3rd grader (Cole), and a preschooler (Olivia). The first semester is almost over and all the kids are doing exceptionally well. Hayden is in middle school and he is taking all honors classes. When progress reports came home he had a 4.2 GPA. He loves pre-algebra and I am LOVING helping him with it. Algebra was always my favorite subject! Hayden has also joined the running club at school and he will soon try out for the cross country team. He must have Mitzi's blood - I HATE running! Cole is extremely smart! He is getting all A's and B's and will be on the honor roll this quarter. Cole, for the first time, has a male teacher and he likes the change. He is diligent in his homework and gets it done first thing. Cole will begin flag football this month and he is looking forward to the cooler weather so the rugby club can begin at school. Olivia started preschool with Mrs. Mary and she feels so BIG. She goes 4 times a week for 3 hours. I look forward to picking her up and hearing all about her day. Liv looks forward to Tuesdays when she gets to take her lunch to school. She also LOVES Wednesdays because they always cook something yummy. I love quiet mornings, after the kids have gone to school, when Mason and I get to be alone. It is just him and me, and I can snuggle and laugh and play with him without having to share.
Life is good at our house! I hope it is at your too!
